So, a lot had happened. I quit my job and went back to school. Everything's crazier now. I'm taking up 3 major subjects now and that includes thesis writing part 1. However, me and my co-workers before are is still in touch, everyone knows how I love those people.
So anyway, while I'm away, my time was totally consumed by the coolest thing ever created. I'm talking about tumblr. Also, a blogging site, photo blogging and sharing most of the time. It's like a place where you can post all your dreams and desires and people get to appreciate it. It's like a place where fantasies are alive...sounds mushy and cheesy, but it really works that way. And this topic ends here.
Another reason why I go back here in blogspot is because I want to have let's say, an online journal that will document all the crazy happenings in my life. I have a twitter where I post status and feelings in a more concise form. This will like be the detailed version. (I'm saying this as if the most important person in the world.)
The flow of emotion starts now. Recently, I've been suffering from this condition where in I feel like I'm incapable of connecting and relating with other people. It's nothing serious and I haven't been medically diagnosed, if that's the legal term for that, for feeling such way. I feel like I am becoming so good at being on my own. I feel like I'm always alone and it's really killing me inside whenever the thought crosses my mind. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that I am not the most loved person in school or in my community. I am fully aware that some people don't give a f*ck whenever they see me, well, pretty much the same on my part. The hardest and most painful part there is when I'm alone (which is most of the time), I get to realize whose fault is this. And I can't pin-point any other person except for me. Because of this sometimes, I hate myself. I hate myself for setting up this kind of reputation or personality; strong, tough, invincible, confident and capable-of-facing-all-kinds-of-odd.
Whenever I try to reach out, in the end of the day, I find myself as a failure and a foolish guy trying so hard to blend in. But I badly need not to fall apart. Especially now that I realize that I have no one but myself. I have friends...very few true people who understand me. Maybe I'll be needing more time to let this kind of feeling die to a natural death. And perhaps, I should have a self-control not to let myself feel this. This isn't really easy. But I'll be fine. I should always know that.
P.S.
You can follow me on Tumblr.
love!:-)
