I'm back...for good!

I haven't been blogging for like, almost one year now. I am sorry blogspot for leaving you and for settling to some other stuff. But I'm back and I promise it's for good.

So, a lot had happened. I quit my job and went back to school. Everything's crazier now. I'm taking up 3 major subjects now and that includes thesis writing part 1. However, me and my co-workers before are is still in touch, everyone knows how I love those people.

So anyway, while I'm away, my time was totally consumed by the coolest thing ever created. I'm talking about tumblr. Also, a blogging site, photo blogging and sharing most of the time. It's like a place where you can post all your dreams and desires and people get to appreciate it. It's like a place where fantasies are alive...sounds mushy and cheesy, but it really works that way. And this topic ends here.

Another reason why I go back here in blogspot is because I want to have let's say, an online journal that will document all the crazy happenings in my life. I have a twitter where I post status and feelings in a more concise form. This will like be the detailed version. (I'm saying this as if the most important person in the world.)

The flow of emotion starts now. Recently, I've been suffering from this condition where in I feel like I'm incapable of connecting and relating with other people. It's nothing serious and I haven't been medically diagnosed, if that's the legal term for that, for feeling such way. I feel like I am becoming so good at being on my own. I feel like I'm always alone and it's really killing me inside whenever the thought crosses my mind. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am fully aware that I am not the most loved person in school or in my community. I am fully aware that some people don't give a f*ck whenever they see me, well, pretty much the same on my part. The hardest and most painful part there is when I'm alone (which is most of the time), I get to realize whose fault is this. And I can't pin-point any other person except for me. Because of this sometimes, I hate myself. I hate myself for setting up this kind of reputation or personality; strong, tough, invincible, confident and capable-of-facing-all-kinds-of-odd.

Whenever I try to reach out, in the end of the day, I find myself as a failure and a foolish guy trying so hard to blend in. But I badly need not to fall apart. Especially now that I realize that I have no one but myself. I have friends...very few true people who understand me. Maybe I'll be needing more time to let this kind of feeling die to a natural death. And perhaps, I should have a self-control not to let myself feel this. This isn't really easy. But I'll be fine. I should always know that.

P.S.

You can follow me on Tumblr.

*painful-pleasure

love!:-)

I'm Hitting the Floor

Tomorrow, Monday marks my first day in transition, meaning from the classroom set-up training to the production floor. It's the real deal. I will also be on the night shift this time.

Last Friday was our 'graduation' from the product specifics training, and I am so glad that everyone in our wave made it. By the end of the day, we all went to Cabalen to feed ourselves and to enjoy each others company. It was was lot of fun. BUSOG!


After eating, some of us went to Starbucks-ATC for some cups of coffee and lots of chit-chats. With us was our dear trainer whom I will really miss especially her openness that made me comfortable all thru out the whole training session.

I am super excited to know my limits as I hit the floor. I want to know how far can I go. I am just plain EXCITED!

:-)love!

First Month!

This day marks my first month at work. YES! I survived the first month. And so far, so GREAT!

The wave decided to have a little celebration by simply ordering food and eating together during lunch time.

It is really a lot of fun spending my time with these people who teach me to look at my present world in a different perspective.


Nine more days to go and we will be graduating from the product specifics training. Break a leg!

:-)love!

When Questioning turns to Interrogation

Questioning. (noun) an act of expressing a question.

Interrogation. (noun) a 'thorough' questioning.

How would you feel when a simple question turns into a rude demand of information about your personal thing? It is hard, isn't it? Awkward. Inappropriate. "It's none of your business." would be the best response. But it's still all up to you if you will feed people's curiosity or just turn around and ignore them.

As mentioned in my previous blogs, sex and sexuality have been the most sought-after subject inside the training room. Everybody's game to talk about it. Questions are just being thrown to anyone, though no one is forced to answer and give the truth.

I have this wave mate who's sexuality is being questioned. Many are puzzled and curious to know it. And then the day came when everybody's in mood to ask him. The bomb was dropped. "Are you gay?" He denied, saying that he had a girlfriend before. Many were not satisfied with his answer, but he insisted that he's straight. My wave mates kept on asking him questions that I really find stupid. He was on the spot. He's feeling the awkwardness. I politely raised my hand and said something, "It takes one to know one (according to a friend, which I believe). You are gay." I did not mean to offend him. I immediately told him that I didn't mean any offense and there is nothing wrong about being gay. I also tell the whole wave that asking him about his real preference is not really important. I told them to treat him the way they want to treat him. Treat him as a gay if you think he's gay and treat him a straight guy if you think he's straight. As simple as that. Because at the end of the day, other people's treatment would really not matter. Its how YOU, yourself, treat and RESPECT your own lovely self. On a different note, you may make a fool out of us, but you can't fool yourself. And so he admitted it. He said he's bisexual (another thing that I can't believe of, and that's another topic).

No one would want to be put on the spot. No one would want to be questioned or interrogated. I just realize that people should always think of Confucius' golden rule. "Do unto others what you want others do unto you." It has been a cliche but it really does apply to all kinds of circumstances. Maybe it was named as 'the golden rule' for it is truly precious and important to be realized and eventually be applied in our real everyday life.

:-)love!

the POWER of LOVE gives me CHILLS!

This would be my entry for the season of love.

I had a very interesting day today. Almost the whole of the day was used in talking about sex, sex, sex and please just include sexuality to make it a little different. What does this say about the title? Later!

Since I am surrounded by people who are older than me, the 'experienced' ones, the topic I just mentioned 3 times on the first paragraph has become the 'favorite' topic. You can really see that everybody's paying attention whenever someone initiates and start talking about it, to the point the lessons for the day are being left behind; let me add our wonderful trainer who is very much open and willing to talk about it. Each and everyone's sexual preference was also placed on the spot. It was fun, really. I got to learn more about the people whom I'm dealing with everyday. Let's admit it, IT. IS. INTERESTING.

As the conversation went on, the topic suddenly shifted to this one thing which is just as interesting as sex. I'm talking about LOVE. Our trainer asked random questions to those who are already married in the group about their marriage. She was asking about how did they know that he/she (husband/wife) is the right person and the like. As the daddies and mommies in the group gave their answers, I found myself 'absorbing' every word they say until a realization came.

Love is powerful.

Many has been said about love. A lot of definitions and descriptions were given to it. Many are happy, crying, excited, bitter, fulfilled, empty and complete because of it. Some people become better persons, some become worse. They said that it should not be 'defined' but instead 'felt' and a lot more were said. But for me, love entails only one word...POWER, and I think no explanation can explain its complexity. Words and emotions would not be enough to show its totality. It is something bigger than us.

But there is only one thing for sure...For as long as we know how to love, everything will be fine.

A Change in Focus

"Change is the only constant thing in this world." A cliche, so passe.

People undergo changes that they can't even notice. They suddenly change their mind, change their plans or change their focus. They tend to change priorities base on what is more important and necessary at the moment.

Relationship. It's the love month again; a time when 'singles' feel the pressure of not having someone so dear with them.

I suddenly realized just recently that I have changed my focus. Before, I was this person who's always thinking of having someone to love. I was this person who cares and loves. But now, I can see myself focusing on myself.

There is really nothing to be rushed about especially when it comes to this thing called love. It will come, in the right time and place when everything in you is complete.

:-)love!

Little Becky

Whether this call is true or not..little Becky is funny.